I saw God today. She looked like me.

(do not read if you think of God as an old man in the sky with a penis)

We are the goddesses of our time.

One day, they will tell the story of how you went down into your darkness, faced your shadow, and kissed her sultry lips with burning acceptance.

Where once they referenced goddesses from mythology and lore of old, they will now say your name.

You are the living archetype of Goddess.

Maybe you’ve heard messages like this before and you look at your life and wonder, how am I a goddess? Or how is any woman?

I’ve been there, too.

My adolescent experiences living in Central America and deep in a religious cult spun the narrative that women were not to be trusted, especially with men or in relationships. A woman's body was dangerous at best and property at worst. The heart was deceitful, and discernment was logical and analytical instead of visceral.

I developed a hard exterior and interior shell out of self love and preservation. I began sailing and competing internationally. I built up strength physically, needing to be strong and able to protect myself. I closed myself off to my emotions, believing that the version of masculinity I saw reflected around me was superior and to be modeled after. I became numb inside to the point I would never jump when surprised. I would stand in the shower for long periods of time with cold water hitting my face, in hopes I could access some emotion and cry.

I daily saw violence in the mud streets around my home, and witnessed unspeakable brutality as a result of gang violence, poverty, machismo and addiction.

I went places no other gringa had ever been before and prided myself on my grit.

It wasn't until I learned that my "okayness" was a form of self protection to guard my sensitive soul and heart that I began to alchemize everything I carried.

Gratitude became my lifeline. I began to cultivate safety and worthiness within my body and soul...and I began to emotionally soften.

I cried years worth of pent up tears in a crazy short amount of time.

I turned back towards nature, created design, and found the rhythms and seasons set in motion to hold me.

I turned back towards the sunlight and moonlight, and found nectar for my mitochondria and bones, magnetism for my infradian and circadian rhythms.

I turned back towards the earth, soil, and water, herbs and shrooms, and found nourishment for my body, soul, and spirit.